Cynthia managed to acquire…

December 25

Cynthia managed to acquire for Darryl and Angela a treasured one-of-a-kind item created and crafted by the founder and one-of-a-kind guiding light of the regretsy website and once across-the-way neighbor, April Winchell. Here’s what April, pictured on the left modeling her creation, has to say about it. You may note what Lilly has to say about it by her expression.

“I may have missed my calling. Clearly I’m not meant to be a writer; I can barely read. No, I was meant to be … a milliner.

If by “milliner”, we mean someone who hot glues **** to hats. And we do mean that, because this is Etsy we’re talking about, where anyone with 20¢ and a glue gun can be the next Lilly Daché. If by “Lilly Dache” we mean no talent.

. . .here’s . .my latest ****box, which is perfect for your New Year’s Eve look. Yes, it’s a big silver holiday mess, piled with fake snow, silver and white glittered poinsettias, and a deranged googly-eyed dove right in the front.

. . .Everything is sewn on with fishing line, so you can get falling down drunk and still look like an idiot. And here’s the best part – IT LIGHTS UP. Yes, a handy battery pack is hidden inside the hat, powering a string of bright white LED lights buried under the fake snow. The whole thing glows with glamour!”

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